Confessions of a Former School Teacher

When I was a 7/8 English teacher, I was responsible for 108 students daily. Ideally, I would have preferred to sit down with each of them individually and have a conversation about the books we were studying to see if they really got the main ideas and understood the characters. But there's no way to do that with a class load that size. The best way to gauge learning in a classroom of over 20 students per hour is to use comprehension questions, Socratic class discussion, pop quizzes, multiple-choice questions, fill-in-the blanks, matching, essays, and the occasional group project. It's a necessity to use these methods (and they aren't necessarily bad); how else can you give a quantifiable measure of learning to the students and to the parents? (This does not fault the teacher at all; believe me, I know there is simply no other way to handle the amount of work we are required to do with the number of people in our care!)

However, now that I'm on the other side of the classroom, as a parent of students, I see the strategies my girls use to deal with the necessary classroom forms of assessment. They often use the "hunt-and-peck" method; read the questions at the end of the assignment first, and then hunt for the answer through the reading. Do the assignment as quickly as possible to get it over with. Memorize the set of definitions or spelling words to get it right on the test, even if they don't make sense to you.

What concerns me is that my girls are not learning how to learn. They are learning how to cope with assignments. I remember doing that as a child too and even through high school. When my grade was slipping in Chemistry, I did extra credit assignments by cleaning out test tubes in order raise my grade. My grade went up, but did I understand the concept I was having trouble with? No.

What surprised me when I went to college was the method of assessment. In the math and science courses, there were still knowledge exams, but we mostly did lots of reading, lots of discussion, and lots of essay writing. You were judged based on how well you could apply your knowledge or explain the comparison between 2 topics. Learning wasn't about spoon-feeding and memorization anymore.

So why do we wait until college to begin assessing learning that way? Are my 7 and 9-year-old kids capable of analyzing topics and explaining connections? Is it realistic to ask them to use their whole brain to learn for mind memory of concepts, and not just rote word memory? Can I expect them to really invest in their learning because they are excited about the subject, not because they have to do it?

From what I'm reading in Charlotte Mason's Companion Guide, the answer is yes. The key to this kind of learning is self-education. "Self-education is achieved by a regular and steady diet of the best books combined with the use of narration to develop retention and understanding of what is read. This approach maintains students' interest and helps them develop the habit of attention, as well as a literary style, a readiness of speaking, a wide vocabulary, and a love of books. This is self-education (vs. traditional education,) because ultimately it is the child who is doing the work." (Andreola 45)

"Self-education is not dependent on a system of artificial rewards, prizes, and grade scores, because it is not bound to a system of education, but a method of learning. A system and a method are 2 different things. A system depends on a cycle of tedium: read the textbook chapter, find the facts and record them as answers to the chapter's list of questions, take the test, get the grade, get it over with. A system makes the process more important than either the information or the learner. On the other hand, a method emphasizes the process by which the goal is attained. If the goal is an educated child, a variety of means will best achieve it" (Andreola 44)

Right now I'm at a critical crossing point with my kids. They are just teetering on the edge of feeling burdened by school and keeping their enthusiasm to read and learn. I see that they do enjoy certain aspects of school, but I also see that they are employing strategies that are unhealthy for their future habits of study. What if we took a year to retrain them on what grades really mean? Right now Ellie worries that she got a 92 in Math as opposed to a 100 or that she got one question wrong on her homework. If we took a year to work on the method of becoming educated rather than working the system of homework, would they begin to see that the goal of every subject is full comprehension, not an "A"? Will they feel less defined by the almighty report card? I hope so. Charlotte Mason said, "The best work is not visible." Next year might be my "invisible" year, but it may also be the most important one!

An Asian-American Perspective on the Goal of Education

I have heard that for anything in life to be accomplished, you need to begin with the end in mind. As I have been contemplating this decision of home schooling, I have also been thinking about the goals that my parents had for me in education. I might be wrong, but I think most Asian parents have the same goals for their kids: go to an Ivy League school, become a doctor or at least marry one, and be wealthy enough to buy your parents a house and a nice car as a token of your gratitude. That equals success to the Asian community; it's a final certificate of accomplishment that the journey to America was worth all the sacrifices along the way. 

So far, I have failed to deliver on all 3: I went to Northwestern, married a white guy who at the time was a band director (gasp!), and we are still working on our Dave Ramsey plan for our finances. 

If you are Asian-American, you totally track with what I'm saying. If not, I am letting you in on the secrets of the Asian community, not that any of this is really rocket science. Have you ever wondered why all Asians are such high achievers? It's because their parents are drilling a message into them every day: You are worth what you produce. Don't get me wrong; I am very grateful for my parents and the discipline they instilled in me. Without it, I could not be the person I am today or the musician I am either. I do owe them a lot for their perseverance with me. There are some things I want to pass on to my kids from my Korean upbringing- being hospitable to others, respecting elders, and being disciplined, but I definitely don't want to pass on the notion that the end goal of education is to pay me back for all my sacrifices. Or that you study just to get all A's, or to obtain a perfect score on the SAT's, or to secure an admission to an Ivy League school. These are all great things, but if those are the goals, then hasn't learning been lost for the sake of education? That's what I want to be careful of in this process. 

What's my end goal of education for my kids? I want them to be thoughtful, articulate, and godly women. I want them to be well-read, be able to make connections with past authors, current authors, the Bible, and current events. I want them to be able to think critically about topics and write about them with clarity. I want them to have hearts that are open to others and value love over any material possession or personal skill. I want them to be content with their lot in life, whether they become a waitress or secretary or doctor or penniless writer. I want them to see that their early years were spent in training: their character, their worldview, their understanding of God. I want them to know that they are worth so much in God's eyes, not because of what they do, but simply because of who they are. The goal of education in my view is to give them space to grow and learn to be the women God has called them to be. Whether I home school or send them to public school, I pray for the wisdom to be able to begin with that end in mind!

Where to begin?

If you are reading my blog, I'm guessing it's probably because you are curious to see what has prompted me to be suddenly interested in Charlotte Mason and the philosophy of education. I have to say, I am just as surprised as you are about this! But that's why I am glad I have this safe place to write my thoughts; it will help me process all of the new information and hopefully bring our family to a decision.

Those of you who know me are aware that when I plunge into something, I go deep. I leave no stone unturned and want to get as much information as possible on the topic before proceeding. It's just in my DNA! If I am in, I'm in 100%, and I don't look back. That's how I came to the decision of having home births for all 3 of my kids, and wow, did that generate a lot of discussion! My family thought I was crazy, some friends thought I'd gone all "granola", and a few people supported me. (But I studied that topic thoroughly and even convinced my HMO to pay for it!)

I have to say, I never expected that I'd be one of "those" people- having babies at home and considering home schooling. I'm not a tree-hugger, and I don't hate the government. I am not trying to isolate my family for protection against immorality, and I have met asocial home schoolers who are incapable of holding a conversation with another 8-year-old. So I don't tread lightly on this decision; I want to look at it from all angles and find out as much as I can about it.

The big question is, why now? Why do I think I even need to consider home schooling or doing something different with my children's education? Good question! I am still trying to answer it myself. I currently have a 3rd grader and a 1st grader at a wonderful school walking distance away. We love all the teachers and the activities, and we couldn't be more thankful for our home and our friends here in the neighborhood. It really doesn't make any sense that I would pay taxes and not get to reap the benefits of public school, especially right in my own backyard. And what about their friends? Won't they miss seeing them every day in class and recess?

I agree, right now, it really doesn't make sense. But here's something Ellie said to me when she turned 9 this year that I can't get out of my head: "Mom, I'm half-way done living here!" She said it with a smile, but it knocked the wind out of me. It's as if I blinked, and suddenly she was 9, and I know that in another 2 blinks, she'll be 18 and ready to go to college. It has really made me evaluate the time I spend with her. How much time, how many hours do I really have before she leaves? How much of myself will I have invested in her? How much do I really know about what she is learning and what is shaping her character? I am always amazed to see her papers come home and listen to the teachers tell me how well she is doing. But I have to admit, part of it makes me sad. I want to know her and engage in ideas with her, not just for homework, but for the bulk of her learning. Is that selfish? Am I being idealistic? I don't know, but it's just how I feel.

And then there's the tyrant of the almighty Schedule. If you read my previous blog, you'll see that I lived under an extremely tight schedule for all of my years at home. I never thought I would repeat the cycle, but I have. Every morning starts with a list, like get dressed, brush your teeth and hair, get your socks and shoes, eat your breakfast, sign this paper, make sure you have your assignment and your library book, don't forget your lunch, quick kiss and hug, and then I watch 2 backpacks bob away off to school. As soon as they get home, it's time to have a snack, talk about the day, practice their instrument, go to tennis or gymnastics, get homework done, maybe play a little bit outside, and then dinner, showers, and bedtime. And then add to that the different activities we have on the weekends- serving in the worship team, going to Awana's, birthday parties, and possibly some free time squeezed in there somewhere? It's insanity! The Meinershagens are hamsters: we are on a wheel running and running, doing the same things over and over again, not getting anywhere. My heart questions, "Is this the only way? Is this what I want my kids to remember about living at home?"

I'm sure we could change the situation by taking a few activities away, or trying to serve less at the church, or lowering my expectations of what can be accomplished in a day. Those are definitely options. But for the first time, I've actually considered the fact that they spend 7 hours of their day at school, and if I got to choose how they spent those 7 hours, we might actually be able to breathe a little more even while we manage all our activities. It's an option, and I want to see if it will be the right one for our family. Am I scared? Yes. Will I still have a social life if I homeschool? I hope so! Do I know for sure this is what we are supposed to do? No- still praying. But what I do know is, something's gotta change. What will that be? I guess we will all find out!

Who is "Tammisuh?"

Yes, my blog is titled "Tammisuh Talks." Most of you may know me as Tammy Meinershagen, but in my heart of hearts, I’m still Tammy Suh. When I was 12, I signed my homework "Tammisuh" for fun, and that silly name has now returned to life!

This post will give you some fun facts that let you inside my world as "Tammisuh."

1. I grew up in a 90% white town in the early 80's: Rockford, Illinois. People literally would ask me if I was Kristi Yamaguchi. For fun, I would nod and sign autographs. 

2. I have 2 younger brothers, Ken and Peter. Ken now lives in New York with his wife Angie; they are about to have their first baby boy in July. Peter is graduating from college this year!

3. We all attended Northwestern University in Evanston, IL. Go Cats!!

4. My parents used to run a restaurant chain with my uncles called Aunt Mary’s (American diner), which still exists today. It now also has a bistro called Mary's Market that is very successful under my cousin Bryan's management. The best part about Aunt Mary's back then was the food my dad used to bring home for dinner, especially those shish kabobs!

5. My mom almost became a nurse, but did not finish because she got pregnant with me. This explains the desperation my parents felt in trying to convince me that I was too young to get married at 21 and not completely finished with my 5-year double degree program. Fortunately, I did finish and worked for 2 years as a 7/8 Language Arts teacher in Glencoe, IL before I had Ellie.

6. Some of my fondest childhood memories are at my home in 3256 Montlake Drive. The best times were after the Mendelssohn Club Music Competitions in February; after my brother Ken(ny) and I had practiced for months and months under the strict iron fist of my mother (who really only meant well, I know), we were allowed the entire afternoon for fun. This meant that we got dressed in our snowsuits, got our sleds out and built our racetracks out of snow in our sloping front yard. Kenny and I would be lost in trying to create the biggest obstacles for our courses, and just as we were crashing into a ginormous mound of snow laughing hysterically, my mom would come out screaming, “Tammy, you won!!”, and in that moment, I experienced true bliss. It was the greatest feeling ever. I’ll never forget those days. (I hope you realize that I’m not trying to be conceited. The relief of the competition coming to a close and knowing that all those hours were worth it, combined with the exhilaration of actually having fun for a change was an intoxicating combination for me.)

7. I would have to say that back then, Kenny and I were best friends. We played a lot together, and people always used to marvel at how well we got along as siblings. Here’s the secret: we both felt like prisoners, so we bonded! I hate to admit that, but it’s the truth. My mom ran our house so tightly that there was no room to breathe. Every minute had to be accounted for, and Kenny and I would try to figure out how to get around it. If she ever went out, we would look at each other and read each other’s minds: we had a singular thought-FREEDOM! We’d sometimes actually run up and down the stairs screaming and then furtively look around the windows to see if she was watching. Then we’d both race to the TV and turn it on, but with the volume so low that we could barely hear it. We had to be ready for the sudden rumbling of the garage door opening. We were experts at covering up our tracks as soon as we heard the first sound; one of us would turn off the TV and then the other one would run to the piano to start playing while the other ran to do homework or practice violin/cello. My mom would walk in calmly and then come right up to each of us and say, “So how long have you been practicing?” And we’d try to keep ourselves from huffing and puffing while we said, “An hour.” Then without hesitation, she’d put us to the ultimate test; she took our pulse to see if it was racing. And of course, it was, not only from the running but the lying! She was always too smart for us.

So there's a little taste of life as Tammisuh. Thanks for reading my memories!

A Philosophy of Education

I just came back from my first meeting with some of the smartest ladies I have ever met. How refreshing to be in an environment of learners! It felt like I was back in college.

It was a book club discussion on Chapter 6, Volume 1, of Charlotte Mason's book, Philosophy of Education. The book was written in 1923, and yet it applies to us today. Mason essentially asks, "What is education?" My mind is blown away by the ideas expressed in the pages as well as by the women there tonight. My heart resonates so much with the premise that true education is about the love of learning, not about grades, projects, tests, and homework. The goal of education is not to "finish" something, but to learn it, to master it, and to be able to teach it back to someone else.

The measure of mastery is simple: Do you know it? Can you explain it and teach it? Then we move on. Did you have an issue with it? Are you confused? Then let's spend time working on it until you master it. It's not about whether you get an A, B, or C; if the focus is the grade, we have already lost the goal of education.

One thing that really struck me in the conversation was how little we remember of all our years of schooling. Why? What was the focus? Grades. Answering the questions. When I was a 7/8 Language Arts teacher, I remember telling my students that I wanted a classroom of thinkers. "Thinking is the hardest work there is," said Henry Ford. I wanted them to work hard and give their brains a sweat by creating new thoughts from their reading, not just regurgitate answers back and call it a day.

Mason agrees that watering down teaching if the children push back just results in a "condition of intellectual feebleness and moral softness which is not easy for a child to overcome." (p.97 Vol. 1). We talked about the comforts of life, and how when we coddle the children through adversity, they actually wither and stunt their growth. "A plant carefully protected under glass from outside shocks looks sleek and flourishing, but its higher nervous function is then found to be atrophied. Is it not the shocks of adversity and not cotton wool protection that evolve true manhood?" (p. 96 Vol 1.)

Children need challenge; they need to try the hard things in life. One lady suggested that since we don't experience a lot of difficulties in our culture, the best way for her kids to experience others' adversity is to read biographies. "The importance of biography is to keep us from arrogance," she said. They can't complain about how tough it is not to have a slushie after school when they read about the childhood of George Washington.

There is so much more we talked about, but I conclude tonight with the first part of chapter 6: "Education is an atmosphere, a discipline, a life. It is the atmosphere of the environment, the discipline of habit, and the presentation of living ideas." (p. 94) The desire to know is natural; it is God-given, innate, instinctive. Why does the rain fall? How does a bird fly? What makes the world go round? We are born with it, and as parents, we need to cultivate this in our kids for as long as we have them. How, you ask? I'm sure it's different for each individual, but for me, I have a feeling that the journey toward instilling in my kids a love of learning vs. acquisition of knowledge is going to take me in a very new direction, and I am excited to see what's in store.