Tammisuh Talks...: February 2019

Tonight was a difficult night. It was my Uncle John's memorial service, and our entire Suh family gathered from all over the United States to mourn his passing. Many tears were shed as we remembered his life and the impact he had. During the service, my cousin Steven (John's son) shared something that we all know to be true: if Uncle John had not boldly come from South Korea and settled in Rockford, IL, none of us would exist.

I honestly can't imagine what it would have been like to be in your 20's, heading to a foreign country, starting your own business, forging your way through school while having to learn a new language, and trying to convince your 6 brothers back in South Korea to join you. Yet Uncle John was determined, and as Steven shared, though he sometimes fell asleep on his way to work, he tirelessly pioneered a new path for his entire family. His restaurant, called "Uncle John's", was quickly becoming a huge success in Rockford, IL, well-known for its Swedish pancakes and innovative menu items. (Yes, a Korean restaurant owner making famous Swedish pancakes; Uncle John was always breaking conventions!)

You can still visit the restaurant in Rockford today!

My dad came next to the States to help Uncle John in the restaurant business. It was during one of his shifts as the manager that he met my mom, a nurse who had come from South Korea on her own as well. She was living in Chicago at the time, but had come up to visit a friend who had moved to Rockford, and they chose to eat at the best place in town. The rest, as they say, is history.

My dad in front of Mary's Market, his first job in the States.

One by one, all the brothers came to join Uncle John in Rockford, IL to help with his wildly successful restaurant business, which had changed its name to "Aunt Mary's" and "Mary's Market." Eventually each brother got married and had children, with many of us cousins staying close to each other for years. Though we all started out in Rockford, IL, most everyone has moved to other parts of the country. We now have many Suh cousins, aunts, and uncles in California, Minnesota, Texas, New York, Illinois, Pennsylvania, Connecticut, Arizona, Colorado, and Indiana. And with the 3rd generation entering college (my daughter Ellie is the oldest in the 3rd generation), we will be even more spread out.

All the girl cousins

All the boy cousins

3rd Generation

Before the memorial service began, I had to smile when all the Suh brothers, without speaking a word to anyone, automatically sat in the front row together. The aunts filed into the 2nd row, giving their husbands the space they needed, and the group of cousins took up the 3rd row. This is just the natural hierarchy of the Suh family; we define ourselves not only by each family unit, but according to the ranking order of the 7 Suh brothers. (Even the brothers refer to themselves as #1, #2, #3, etc. and the wives do as well.) There is a rare comfort that comes from this Asian tradition, one that we all readily accept and even celebrate.

As I sat in the pew during the service tonight, surrounded by my cousins and family, I cried not only tears of sorrow but also of joy and gratitude. I am thankful to Uncle John for the sacrifices he made to create a life in the States, and for the beautiful family that has grown from his American dream. There is so much love in this family, and it stemmed from the ability that John gave us to be together in the land of opportunity. Rest in peace, dear Uncle John. We will miss you.